Lemon-zucchini cake failure

This story does not end well. I think you should know that before you become emotionally invested or, even worse, follow my example. After the tasting but before the photo editing I considered whether I should try again, and again if necessary, until I'd produced a reliable cake whose recipe I could share in good conscience. On the other hand, the internet is full of reliable cake recipes. This one was kind of a disaster, but it was a beautiful disaster.

I love dishes that put ingredients into an unusual context and make it work. Olive oil ice cream. Rosemary chocolate. Basil sorbet. Finding myself with another overlarge zucchini on a bright summer day, I thought that instead of our typical chocolate zucchini cake I might try making a zucchini cake with lemon, rosemary, and thyme.

Roasted veggies

Some time back, I bookmarked a lovely-looking recipe for lemon-braised chicken with white beans and mint pesto. I was planning to make the dish last night, having finally remembered to pick up white beans.

This was before I discovered that one of the big heirloom tomatoes on the countertop had quietly gone bad overnight, and the other needed to be used immediately. The squash bed, thanks to improved watering and some compost, had several speckled zucchini that were getting to indecent sizes. There were portobello mushrooms in the vegetable bin that needed eating. And somewhat more than half a loaf of Acme Pain au Levain was about to cross over from slightly stale to rock-hard.

Also, I'd forgotten to pick up any chicken.

Insufficient zucchini

This is the time of year when food blogs showcase recipes whose primary attribute is their ability to use up huge quantities of zucchini, ideally without anyone noticing. When gardeners force their friends and neighbors to accept large bags of squash, leaving them on people's porches when they're not home. 

I have a huge, sunny garden, and by all rights I should be overrun with zucchini. Sadly, I am not.





This is not for lack of trying. I put in four summer squash plants: two "Patio Star" from the nursery, and two "some kind of grey squash, I think" seedlings given to me by someone at the weekly crop swap. Having by that time run out of room in the garden, I even built them a special bed off to the side, where they'd have plenty of room to stretch out their tendrils.

My plants thrived, grew, produced big bright orange flowers. Tiny little baby zucchini appeared. Then, one by one, the baby zucchini shriveled up and died. Starting at the blossom end, they'd turn yellow, then brown, softening into moldy little tubes of mush.

None of the food blog recipes call for mush.

I tried giving them more water, then less, then more again. I checked the internets, which said it was lack of either pollination or calcium. Apparently, most soil has enough calcium, but irregular watering can prevent the plant from absorbing enough. Whoops. On the other hand, this particular bed doesn't have great soil, since I didn't have much compost when I built it. I think I filled it mostly with recycled potting soil from containers whose tenants had passed away. Possibly not the greatest approach to horticulture. 

I grabbed a q-tip and hand-pollinated all the flowers, just in case that was the issue. Added a thick layer of eggshell-rich compost, and vowed to water more regularly. In the meantime: if you're one of those unfortunate souls with more zucchini than you can handle, feel free to bring them over. And while you're here, take a bag of kale home with you.